Wednesday, April 30, 2008


I admire the exclamation point. Of all the sentence enders, it has the most profound effect. While a question mark causes a weird uncomfortable turn in the tone? A period is just boring. But an exclamation point! WOW!!!! How amazing!
The english major in me wishes that there were more punctuation marks like the exclamation point. I want to create a system of punctuation that has new endpoints to completely change the tone of your sentence into variations ranging from loud and angry to obscure variations like "growling like you have laryngitis and replacing your r's with w's".
I originally wanted to do this by using the red-headed stepchild of fonts, wingdings. But I realize that most of those symbols are two complex to handwrite, already have meanings, and they often change on you the minute you copy and paste them somewhere else. Useless.
So instead I'll just name the marks. Possibly draw them later.

The Feariod-Gives the sentence a dry, frightening, murderous and psychotic tone, said with wide eyes and no laughter. "I killed your parents".
The Bleariod-For blue lies (read a spectrum of lies if you do not know of my lie color-coding system).
The Ejaculation Point-A mark to imply that the sentence sounded like you said it during an orgasm.
The Agitation Point-Pretty self explanatory. Loudly and angrily, or loudly and sarcastically.
The Sequestion Mark-The tone of the sentence takes on a tone of a pass, seduction, peer pressure, or the soliciting of a prostitute.
The Gravitation Point-only for long sentences, implying that you start saying the sentence at the lowest possible tone your voice can possibly go, or the lowest possible volume. Then you crescendo so that by the time you reach the gravitation point you are either squealing or screaming.
The Descension Point-opposite of the gravitation point.
The Fuddulation Point-everything is said in an Elmer Fudd voice.
The Rhestion Mark-Rhetorical question mark. The world would be less confusing, truly. Especially on instant messenger.
The Excremation Point-Implying that you said the sentence in the same strained tone of voice one requires when taking a particularly large and difficult shit. Good for breakups.

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