Sunday, January 20, 2008


INB special Sunday edition.

I keep forgetting to post on Fridays!
Anyway, some INB's-refer to foodstuffs in more literal terms than people are willing to normally.
Hamburgers/roast beef sandwiches=Would you like some cow sandwiches?
Eggs=Fresh from the chicken's vag!
Cheese=How about some mold?
Yogurt=How about some bacteria?
Mushrooms=How about some fungus?
Wine=Care for some old grape juice?
Ham=Pig ass!
It's pretty easy to make food gross. If you are not squeamish, this is a great way to keep all of the food to yourself.
'nother INB: hum whenever you are walking somewhere, kind of like hummingbirds and bees do when they fly.
Say hi to everyone. And I DO mean everyone. But always act like you know them.
I'm also a big fan of setting up Caution signs in safe areas. Caution signs and orange cones are great resources if you can get your hands on them. More practical jokey than they are INB's, but still fun. Like just put four orange cones around a stapler in the middle of a hallway. Or put them around a cloth with something under it. People will be more likely to leave that one alone. Caution tape is great for saving yourself a seat at a coffee shop or cafeteria. But really, nothing is better than just a lone Caution sign. Keeps people on their toes, ya know?
Also when someone you don't want to talk to asks you how you are doing, just tell them it hasn't been the same since the war. Then look at something over their shoulder and start muttering under your breath. Then run at whatever it was you were looking at.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Everything is cheesier, more hilarious, and more awesome when you add "on ice" to the end of it. Ice shows are just inherently fabulous somehow. I've been doing many list posts lately, but I couldn't resist this.
Perscription Drugs on Ice!
Batman on Ice!
How to Program Your VCR on Ice!
Comprehensive Sex Education on Ice!
Judge Judy on Ice!
Exterminators on Ice!
Lumberjacks on Ice!
Alchoholics Anonymous on Ice!
Thai Mail Order Brides on Ice!
Porn on Ice!
Coma Patients on Ice!
Our Parents Made us be on Ice!
Narcoleptics on Ice!
These are even funnier if you combine them!
Narcoleptic Thai Mail Order Brides on Ice!
Comatose Exterminators on Ice!
Lumberjack Porn on Ice!
Alcoholic Batman on Ice!
Judge Judy teaches you to Program your VCR on Ice!
Narcoleptic Comprehensive Sex ed on Ice!
Thai Mail Order Brides teach you about Perscription Drugs on Ice!
Comatose Batman on Ice!
The list goes on. Have fun!

Saturday, January 12, 2008


YEAH so this is why I could never be a webcomic artist. I failed to post. I will make no new years resolutions about posting because they will be promptly broken. So extra long post for my small scattering of readers!
Anyway, why are humans the only animals that open-mouth kiss? To the best of my knowledge, we are. Although I wonder about dogs as I have been licked in the mouth by overzealous dogs (although I do not see them do it to eachother anywhere near as much).
But goddamnit other animals have got to think we are total psychos. Think of how weird it would be if the below list of animals decided to start french kissing.
-Bears (OH SHIT)
The list goes dude. French kissing is weird. Personally I think sex is more natural than french kissing and feeling people up. Imagine if cows felt eachother up. I'm not talking sex, I mean one cow kind of just poking another cow's udder with it's hoof and the other enjoying it. MUuu.
A Harlequin novel about the sex life of a cow would be pretty short. The cow mounted the other cow, the cow had sex, the end.
Anyway, if anyone runs across a couple of squirrels sucking face, let me know. I'll promptly take down this post and sit in awe.
In closing, here is a list of creepy things you can do to your face.
-Miniature marsmallow on every tooth
-Stuff every orafice with parsley (poofy side up)
-Unrolled fruit rollups in your nose
-Paint large perspective-shaded holes that resemble tunnels on each cheek
-Write the entire lord's prayer on your face
-Baby handprints all over your face
-Baby footprints all over your face
-Lots of plastic pustulating sores from your local halloween supply store, accompanied by kissy lipstick imprints everywhere
-Tape a condom to your head
-Tape sponges painted with foundation to match your skin tone everywhere.
-Put a tape or MP3 player in your mouth and hold your mouth wide open while blasting the British national anthem.
Wink at attractive people during all of this.