First off, if you really need my insanity and I don't update, read yourself some Mark Leyner because he is better at what I do.
-Carniwhore. Specializes in uncanny imitations of raw meat.
-Awkward Silence Boy
-The Captain Boy Man. (an amalgam of male superhero prefixes and suffixes).
-John McCain in spandex
That last one has a potential to be a fab supervillain.
I think that improv everywhere should get someone to put on false beaver teeth and gnaw on vertical wooden objects. Or hover around the Hoover dam looking posessive. Or they should hold a beaver king paegent for the Hoover dam annually. That'd be great. The Governator would probably be able to win that one. Governor of California and Beaver King of the Hoover Dam. What a great way to introduce someone.
I've invented the ultimate pick up line for hetero boys:
"Hey, do you want some of this chocolate? I was going to give it to my girlfriend tonight but she kind of broke up with me on the phone before I got here... "