To interrupt normal behavior today, please eat with something besides utensils, chopsticks, and hands.
-Plastic comb (spaghetti).
-Trident. Most effective when eating steak.
-Animal bones from other food you are eating. Connect to your inner caveperson.
-Action figures. Particularly if you have that one sabretooth from the late 80's that opens and closes his arms.
-Small children. Don't have them feed you, have them actualy hold their arm still while you pilot their hands.
-Sex toys (sterile plz. Remember-you can boil silicone toys!) Mmm...mashed potato mouth massage..
-Small taxidermied rodents. No better way to spice up a power lunch than eating a salad with a petrified squirell. Squirells also come with long, bushy napkins!
-A small hose or a large straw depending on how you look at it.