Saturday, January 12, 2008


YEAH so this is why I could never be a webcomic artist. I failed to post. I will make no new years resolutions about posting because they will be promptly broken. So extra long post for my small scattering of readers!
Anyway, why are humans the only animals that open-mouth kiss? To the best of my knowledge, we are. Although I wonder about dogs as I have been licked in the mouth by overzealous dogs (although I do not see them do it to eachother anywhere near as much).
But goddamnit other animals have got to think we are total psychos. Think of how weird it would be if the below list of animals decided to start french kissing.
-Bears (OH SHIT)
The list goes dude. French kissing is weird. Personally I think sex is more natural than french kissing and feeling people up. Imagine if cows felt eachother up. I'm not talking sex, I mean one cow kind of just poking another cow's udder with it's hoof and the other enjoying it. MUuu.
A Harlequin novel about the sex life of a cow would be pretty short. The cow mounted the other cow, the cow had sex, the end.
Anyway, if anyone runs across a couple of squirrels sucking face, let me know. I'll promptly take down this post and sit in awe.
In closing, here is a list of creepy things you can do to your face.
-Miniature marsmallow on every tooth
-Stuff every orafice with parsley (poofy side up)
-Unrolled fruit rollups in your nose
-Paint large perspective-shaded holes that resemble tunnels on each cheek
-Write the entire lord's prayer on your face
-Baby handprints all over your face
-Baby footprints all over your face
-Lots of plastic pustulating sores from your local halloween supply store, accompanied by kissy lipstick imprints everywhere
-Tape a condom to your head
-Tape sponges painted with foundation to match your skin tone everywhere.
-Put a tape or MP3 player in your mouth and hold your mouth wide open while blasting the British national anthem.
Wink at attractive people during all of this.

No comments: