While our country foolishly focuses on illegal immigrants sourcing the southern border, we have ignored an increasingly dangerous migration from the north.
They're militant. They destroy property. They congregate in public with little or no regard to peace and quiet, yet the police force is too weak to charge them with disorderly conduct, no matter how much noise they make. Their forces are arrogant enough to fly over us in formation because they know that we are too weak and spineless a nation to do anything. They create fear in public parks and day camps; places where it should be safe for our children to play and eat sandwiches.
Of course by now you should know of whom I speak.
It is true that illegal immigrants crossing the southern border can create legal problems with citizenship, under-the-table labor, and irreversible classist and racist divisions. But they are not so arrogant as to walk into high society's most well-preserved havens (country clubs and golf courses) and have bowel movements all over the lawn.
These invaders with their black, soulless eyes need to be stopped. Feeding the ducks, a formerly harmless passtime has become hazardous due to these Canadian miscreants. Countless booboos have been reported from small children who only wanted to "Give Mr. Ducky his breakfast". The hissing, snappy, profusely pooping perpetrators have a totalitarian rule over formerly sacred family environments.
Many people believe I am over-reacting. But if they can fly in formation, they can further organize to destroy us. 
Don't be naive. Fight our invaders. It's the American thing to do.
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